Slice
10-30-2006, 05:02 PM
The Real Deal?
Well, each time I re-read the WcE win-loss records, it DOES seem truer.
The man I can’t seem to pin... Why? How? But mostly… why?
Knock knock knock
Thomas: Hey, why you still here? We gotta go shoot that promo for your next match! This is important; you have a shot at the Intercontinental title here and a promo would do wonders for your fan support!
James: Uh, yeah, I’m just… tying my shoelaces.
Thomas: You always DID have trouble with that… anyways, hurry up!
James: Yeah I’m comin’!
-- -- --
((A few days later, about 2 or 3 days before “Unleashed!”))
James is sitting on the floor in the hotel room with his back leaning on the bed, playing a WcE videogame on his home console, as Thomas walks in with a video tape in his hands.
Thomas: It’s done. Let’s check it out!
James: Pop that sucka in!
Thomas inserts the tape into the VCR and presses play. Then he sits on the bed and they both watch the screen…
(Happy whimsical music in background)
3 boys and 2 girls, all seemingly around the ages of 10-12, are standing in a decorated living room. There’s a piñata, red and blue balloons in different shapes, a “Happy Birthday!” banner, and other decorations that clearly indicate a birthday party. All the kids are wearing a pointy cardboard party hat. They walk up to a table with presents and one of the boys takes a present. The boy has a nametag on his shirt that says “Hi, I’m Birthday Boy”.
He opens up the present and takes out a rainbow colored slinky. The kids all look a bit disappointed. He puts the slinky on the ground and pushes it.
Narrator voice: Are you tired of lame gifts?
The slinky moves once, then stands still. A canned audience letting out a disappointed “aaaahw” is heard.
The boy opens another package and pulls out a coloring book and crayons.
Narrator: Wish you would get something the least bit decent for once?
The boy throws the coloring book and crayons down and stomps on them, angrily.
Narrator: Well that’s all in the past!!
A small explosion is heard and speed metal with crazy guitar solos starts playing as the front door of the living room busts off and out of smoke steps James “DeathTrap” Whitman, wearing jeans and a plaid shirt, both about the same size as the one the birthday boy is wearing, with tears in them due to James’ excess size. James is also wearing a pointy party hat and he has his black and white mask on.
Kids: Whoooa!
Narrator: That’s right, now for a limited time, you too can get your very own 5 Feet Under!
James takes the birthday boy and executes a 5 feet under on him, landing behind the table out of the camera view. The boy can be heard giggling uncontrollably.
Narrator: No more stuuupid dolls or so called “action figures”, now you can receive a 5 Feet Under from a REAL action figure!
The other kids are all jumping and yelling “me, me!” “I want one too!”
One of the kids, a girl, is in the corner crying. James walks over to her and pats her gently on the back.
James: What’s the matter, lil’ one?
Girl: I… sniff… I want a 5 feet under too, but my mom doesn’t make enough money to buy me one…
Narrator: Whoa whoa whoa, no money, no credit? Don’t fret! We’ve got great news for you! For a limited time only, you can receive your 5 Feet Under ab-so-lute-ly FREE!
Girl: Really, mr. Narrator?
Narrator: Abso-frickin’-lutely!
Girl: Yaaay!
James picks up the girl and places her on his shoulder then executes a 5 Feet under, landing behind the staircase, out of the camera’s view. The girl starts laughing merrily.
Narrator: For your free 5 Feet Under, please call the number on your screen now!
“1-800-bycallingthisnumberIagreethatiwantdeathtraptobethe nextintercontinentalchampion” flashes quickly about 10 times on the screen.
Narrator: 1-800-bycallingthisnumberIagreethatiwantdeathtraptobethe nextintercontinentalchampion, that’s 1-800-bycallingthisnumberIagreethatiwantdeathtraptobethe nextintercontinentalchampion.
James walks up to the screen and gives a thumb up.
Then from bottom to top, movie-credits style, the following appears on the screen and is also read out loud by the narrator, in a quick tone:
Other moves sold separately, pins and tap outs not included. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, heartburn, broken neck and/or other body parts, seizures, the inability to say the word “discombobulating”, the need to watch WcE shows more than 3 times per week, boredom, excitement, weight loss and/or gain, damaged intestinal linings, uncontrollable laughter and/or crying, déjà vu, prolonged life and/or death, and Easter bunnies.
Do not use in shower or kitchen, keep away from children, animals and adults. Do not use as dental drill. Warning: May contain nuts.
The screen turns black as the tape has run out.
Thomas and James are laughing like crazy. Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door.
James: Oh yeah, it’s time to go; we’ve got a lot to discuss.
Thomas: Yeah, and I’ve got a few ideas as well…
James gets up and walks over to the desk in the corner of the room and takes a notepad filled with writing, and Thomas takes his backpack out of the closet on the other side of the room.
James: Seriously though, do you think I have what it takes to win the title, man?
Thomas turns around and looks at James, and nods his head.
Thomas: What is WITH you? You have the ability, determination, and courage to win this match. No matter WHAT the stipulation may be. You deserve that title; you’ve worked hard and the fans appreciate your hard work. And plus, there couldn’t be a better time for you to win that title.
James: I know what you mean but… I haven’t pinned Teal any of the times we’ve met, and I couldn’t get him to tap out last time we faced off.
Thomas: You won the match, didn’t you?
James: Yeah but…
Thomas: Listen, you CAN pin him; you CAN make him tap out. I know you have it in you. And besides, it’s your out-of-the-box thinking that helped you win that last match against him. Just stay focused; you can do it.
Voice outside the door: Hey, you guys coming, or what?
James and Thomas proceed to take their things and leave…
Well, each time I re-read the WcE win-loss records, it DOES seem truer.
The man I can’t seem to pin... Why? How? But mostly… why?
Knock knock knock
Thomas: Hey, why you still here? We gotta go shoot that promo for your next match! This is important; you have a shot at the Intercontinental title here and a promo would do wonders for your fan support!
James: Uh, yeah, I’m just… tying my shoelaces.
Thomas: You always DID have trouble with that… anyways, hurry up!
James: Yeah I’m comin’!
-- -- --
((A few days later, about 2 or 3 days before “Unleashed!”))
James is sitting on the floor in the hotel room with his back leaning on the bed, playing a WcE videogame on his home console, as Thomas walks in with a video tape in his hands.
Thomas: It’s done. Let’s check it out!
James: Pop that sucka in!
Thomas inserts the tape into the VCR and presses play. Then he sits on the bed and they both watch the screen…
(Happy whimsical music in background)
3 boys and 2 girls, all seemingly around the ages of 10-12, are standing in a decorated living room. There’s a piñata, red and blue balloons in different shapes, a “Happy Birthday!” banner, and other decorations that clearly indicate a birthday party. All the kids are wearing a pointy cardboard party hat. They walk up to a table with presents and one of the boys takes a present. The boy has a nametag on his shirt that says “Hi, I’m Birthday Boy”.
He opens up the present and takes out a rainbow colored slinky. The kids all look a bit disappointed. He puts the slinky on the ground and pushes it.
Narrator voice: Are you tired of lame gifts?
The slinky moves once, then stands still. A canned audience letting out a disappointed “aaaahw” is heard.
The boy opens another package and pulls out a coloring book and crayons.
Narrator: Wish you would get something the least bit decent for once?
The boy throws the coloring book and crayons down and stomps on them, angrily.
Narrator: Well that’s all in the past!!
A small explosion is heard and speed metal with crazy guitar solos starts playing as the front door of the living room busts off and out of smoke steps James “DeathTrap” Whitman, wearing jeans and a plaid shirt, both about the same size as the one the birthday boy is wearing, with tears in them due to James’ excess size. James is also wearing a pointy party hat and he has his black and white mask on.
Kids: Whoooa!
Narrator: That’s right, now for a limited time, you too can get your very own 5 Feet Under!
James takes the birthday boy and executes a 5 feet under on him, landing behind the table out of the camera view. The boy can be heard giggling uncontrollably.
Narrator: No more stuuupid dolls or so called “action figures”, now you can receive a 5 Feet Under from a REAL action figure!
The other kids are all jumping and yelling “me, me!” “I want one too!”
One of the kids, a girl, is in the corner crying. James walks over to her and pats her gently on the back.
James: What’s the matter, lil’ one?
Girl: I… sniff… I want a 5 feet under too, but my mom doesn’t make enough money to buy me one…
Narrator: Whoa whoa whoa, no money, no credit? Don’t fret! We’ve got great news for you! For a limited time only, you can receive your 5 Feet Under ab-so-lute-ly FREE!
Girl: Really, mr. Narrator?
Narrator: Abso-frickin’-lutely!
Girl: Yaaay!
James picks up the girl and places her on his shoulder then executes a 5 Feet under, landing behind the staircase, out of the camera’s view. The girl starts laughing merrily.
Narrator: For your free 5 Feet Under, please call the number on your screen now!
“1-800-bycallingthisnumberIagreethatiwantdeathtraptobethe nextintercontinentalchampion” flashes quickly about 10 times on the screen.
Narrator: 1-800-bycallingthisnumberIagreethatiwantdeathtraptobethe nextintercontinentalchampion, that’s 1-800-bycallingthisnumberIagreethatiwantdeathtraptobethe nextintercontinentalchampion.
James walks up to the screen and gives a thumb up.
Then from bottom to top, movie-credits style, the following appears on the screen and is also read out loud by the narrator, in a quick tone:
Other moves sold separately, pins and tap outs not included. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, heartburn, broken neck and/or other body parts, seizures, the inability to say the word “discombobulating”, the need to watch WcE shows more than 3 times per week, boredom, excitement, weight loss and/or gain, damaged intestinal linings, uncontrollable laughter and/or crying, déjà vu, prolonged life and/or death, and Easter bunnies.
Do not use in shower or kitchen, keep away from children, animals and adults. Do not use as dental drill. Warning: May contain nuts.
The screen turns black as the tape has run out.
Thomas and James are laughing like crazy. Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door.
James: Oh yeah, it’s time to go; we’ve got a lot to discuss.
Thomas: Yeah, and I’ve got a few ideas as well…
James gets up and walks over to the desk in the corner of the room and takes a notepad filled with writing, and Thomas takes his backpack out of the closet on the other side of the room.
James: Seriously though, do you think I have what it takes to win the title, man?
Thomas turns around and looks at James, and nods his head.
Thomas: What is WITH you? You have the ability, determination, and courage to win this match. No matter WHAT the stipulation may be. You deserve that title; you’ve worked hard and the fans appreciate your hard work. And plus, there couldn’t be a better time for you to win that title.
James: I know what you mean but… I haven’t pinned Teal any of the times we’ve met, and I couldn’t get him to tap out last time we faced off.
Thomas: You won the match, didn’t you?
James: Yeah but…
Thomas: Listen, you CAN pin him; you CAN make him tap out. I know you have it in you. And besides, it’s your out-of-the-box thinking that helped you win that last match against him. Just stay focused; you can do it.
Voice outside the door: Hey, you guys coming, or what?
James and Thomas proceed to take their things and leave…